Introverts: How to Make Them Feel Loved
They’re shy. They’re quiet. They have certain issues of showing their feeling, and what makes things worse, they oftentimes couldn’t tell other people’s feeling as well. Oh dear.
Here’s some of the ways for you to tell your introverts ones that you actually love them, and that’s very important for them to know.
1. Take time to listen to their talking and paraphrase some of his/her ideas to show that you ARE listening.
Introverts deeply value listening. When they communicate something important, they have spent time beforehand considering their message carefully. Introverts are very good listeners and love to have that same respect returned in kind, and listening is the same as showing loved for them.
2. Interruption is harmful for introverts.
Practically this is an elaboration of the first point. While they are being listened to, it is prone of being interrupted. Let them finish the talking and wait patiently for your turn.
3. Please, sorry for the inconvenience.
If you really have to interrupt them (or about to do something you know they won’t like) show that you are sorry. They’ll understand.
4. Give two seconds before returning the ping-pong ball.
After he/she done his line in conversation, take some time beforehand to let them adding something they may have in mind, because introverts tend to take time in thinking before speaking.
5. Be quiet.
It doesn’t mean that you are no longer expected to share your feelings and tell jokes and engage in conversation — it just means be quiet. Sometimes, quiet is needed and we extroverts have to learn to appreciate what quiet can be for them and how two people can sit on different sides of the room, silently engaging in their own activities, and still achieve a profound sense of closeness.
6. Text, don’t call.
Texting is the safest way in engaging digital conversation with introverts rather than calling. Because they have to take some time to make their minds it is very uncomfortable for them talking on the phone because there’s no time to take. It’s the same with emailing rather than using Skype.
7. Mental note: NO collective activity
Introverts hate doing something in groups, they rather left alone so they can go back to their own little world. When engaging something with a lot of people, public discussion for example, try to ask them to have a one-on-one discussion first, and then act as their companion and host when it comes to group discussion.
8. Stop Fixing Us!
Do not force them to engage in constant activities which you believe will make them a more “well-rounded” person. While there are always compromises to be made in terms of events which are important to show up to or people who are worth making effort for, you must clear your mind of the idea that someone is automatically a better and more whole person if they go out more. They are not extroverts.
9. Beating around the bush is prohibited.
When talking to them, ask spesifically what you wanted to know. According to Dembling, introverts will dive off straight away if there’s a way to hold a clear subject in conversation.
10. Let them know you’re not going anywhere.
Enjoy the rich inner life that can often only reveal itself when an introvert has met someone with whom they feel unfailingly comfortable and open. Realize that there are so many people for whom their thoughts and ideas are presented in the tiniest tip of a social iceberg, and that you happen to be in love with one of them yourself, and you accepted it gracefully.